The ROI Mirage
The ROI Mirage… Or, How I Lost My Mind Trying to Monetize My Website
I chased the golden goose through clickbait jungles,
bribed the algorithm, almost sold my soul for one scroll—
only to find happiness hiding in a quiet inbox
with a single “thank you” and no upsell.
Body:
Let’s get one thing straight:
I did not set out to be a desperate digital minstrel.
I merely wanted to “scale with soul.”
But somewhere between my 3rd sales funnel
and 9th “free” masterclass that cost me my weekend sanity,
I found myself whispering to my screen:
“Profit, profit! Wherefore art thou, profit?”
I tried everything they told me would work:
- Shiny Objects:
I bought them all. Productivity apps, AI tools, a ring light that made me look like a ghostly influencer. - The Lottery of Virality:
I danced. I pointed at floating text.
I even filmed my cat.
Still broke.
Cat’s now resentful. - Clickbait Offers:
“How I Made $80K in a Weekend” (spoiler: I didn’t). - Eternal Youth:
Not a metaphor.
Just collagen powders I can’t pronounce.
Each new strategy promised passive income,
but actively stole my joy.
I became a full-time intern in the gig economy of my own dreams,
earning in “exposure,”
which, as it turns out, does not pay rent.
And then, somewhere between burnout and browser tabs,
I stopped.
I posted something without optimization.
I wrote what I actually meant.
And someone—one someone—replied:
“This made my day. Thank you.”
Reader, I wept.
Not because I made a sale—
but because I made a moment.
Call to Action (with Rhythm, Not Robots):
So if you’re weary from chasing gold in glitter,
let this be your guide, your gut-check, your glitter filter:
Sometimes the greatest profit
is the one you don’t track—
a breath, a smile, a message back.
Click less. Connect more.
And maybe, just maybe,
let enough be the new encore. 🎭
Vanity Metrics & Other Mirages
A poetic Reply to “Profit, Profit! Wherefore Art Thou Profit?”
Oh seeker of profit, take heart and take heed—
You’ve chased every funnel, fulfilled every need:
From shiny SaaS promises too good to be true,
To gurus who sell what they never quite do.
You tried crypto, dropship, a newsletter stack,
Signed up for ten courses—still, profit held back.
You built the email list, optimized the tags,
Even bought likes from bots waving foreign flags.
You pinned at midnight, you danced on Reels,
You fed the algorithm your hopes and your meals.
You launched with a countdown, freebie in tow,
But conversions came in… painfully slow.
Clickbait? It bounced.
Webinars? Ghosts.
Evergreen ebooks now haunt all your posts.
The lottery never returned your call,
And eternal youth? Just skincare with gall.
Yet here you sit, beneath blinking screen light,
No funnel, no pitch deck, just something… right.
A quiet subscriber. A thank-you. A smile.
Not profit per se—but still worth the while.
So let the bounce rates rise like bad soufflés,
You’ve earned the peace in simpler days.
No ROI can replace this delight:
Enough to be grateful,
And sleep through the night.
Wanne read more?
Return of investment and affiliate marketing on Amazon
Or learn Affiliate Marketing? 😏
👉 Start with my 9-Day Website Kickstart (the WA-Tour)
Day 1: WA Changed—So Did I
